I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
