so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
