Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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