i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
God, I missed his penis.
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