I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
