ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
