based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
