the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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