His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
