lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
