so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your cock deserves a montage
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
