the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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