ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize