Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
