three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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