where am i from again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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