There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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