where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think my moral compass just broke
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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