If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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