I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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