This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
