things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize