I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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