Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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