we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
