Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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