Heybabeimwearingurpanties
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
