Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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