I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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