Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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