She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize