You work out of a Hotel?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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