I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize