I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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