I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
