I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize