Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
