dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
