Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
