Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
