somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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