this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
