fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize