He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
