YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
