My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
