I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
