Quick, to the slutcave!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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