Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
