is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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