who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
