Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
