There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
