I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
