Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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