My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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