No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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