So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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