I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
