i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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