I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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