i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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