i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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