Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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