I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
