i already hear my dad disowning me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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