he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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