I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize