You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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