perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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