there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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